Side Effects
by Kethrielle
Summary: Ryder needs to convince Evfra of how much she cares for him, before he pushes her away as too much of a risk. A companion to Unexpected Effects, takes place directly after Chapter 4. Stuck over here because it's more feelings-y than humor-y.


Ryder lay in Evfra's bed, a sheet draped over her against the gentle breeze coming through the open window behind her. She propped herself up on her side with one arm, studying him in the warm dawn light as he slept.

Her confidence and the direct way she approached everything had carried them, last night. She had no doubt that Evfra had been willing - and gratifyingly eager - last night, nor any doubt that he had enjoyed himself. But she had swept them along, making sure he was too focused on sensations to start second guessing; she had known, without really thinking about it, that if his self-doubts resurfaced, he would end everything right then and never allow either of them a second chance. And although he had dropped into an exhausted sleep immediately after their activities, if she knew him at all, he would wake up with plenty of doubts and reasons to reclaim some distance.

The question now was, what did she want from here?

It had been a pleasant evening, and they could leave it there. She thought she could persuade him that she had enjoyed herself thoroughly while letting him put that distance between them; she was almost sure they could leave things well enough to continue to work smoothly together. And at any rate, she would be back to the Tempest in two months, and that would end any awkwardness between them.

Though certainly the simpler route, the idea did not please her. She sighed, wryly amused. Trust her to avoid all such entanglements back in the Milky Way and throughout her time here, only to fall for a grumpy angara who would likely fight her every step of the way before finally accepting her affection.

So, she could give them a chance to take the relationship somewhere new. She had no doubt, if she could get behind the walls he had built to protect himself, he would care for her as much as she did for him. He had plenty of practice ignoring his emotions, but not as much in hiding them when they pushed to the fore; she had studiously ignored the slips that told her he was coming to care for her so he wouldn't be embarrassed and start avoiding her entirely, but she had noticed and treasured them.

Despite that assurance, though, she knew that if he woke up and gave in to his doubts and fears, he would push her away so thoroughly that she may as well be back in the Milky Way. The way he had earnestly assured her that she couldn't possibly find him attractive had brought tears to her eyes, last night; though she had tried her best to show him that she decidedly did find him attractive, she knew it wouldn't be enough. They had both been too wrapped up in the moment, and the newness of each other's bodies, to think about abstracts.

So then, the best way to head off those concerns would be to start countering them before they gained his full attention. She'd have to make sure that her feelings for him were clearly seen if she was to fight against his self-doubts. No teasing coyness here, it would leave too much room for him to assume his thoughts were her own. No, she'd have to be upfront with her affections and hope he caught up with her.

Ryder smiled at the prospect, and began.

* * *

Evfra woke slowly, more relaxed than he could remember being. It didn't take long to remember what had passed the night before, and he smiled. It had been a very nice surprise, though he couldn't help a slight pang at the thought that she surely wouldn't wish to repeat it.

Slowly, he became aware of a weight across his waist, a slightly off-key humming, and the gentle brush of fingers over his skin. His eyes flew open. Ryder was perched comfortably astride him, lips pressed together as she hummed quietly to herself. Her fingers were exploring his torso and shoulders, tracing over muscles and scars alike. The most shocking thing, though, was her expression.

She was completely absorbed in her explorations, he thought she hadn't even noticed that he was awake. She studied him with rapt attention, a tender emotion in her eyes that his mind shied away from identifying. She must have felt the slight hitch in his breathing, because her eyes flew to his face and she smiled.

She leaned forward, her long hair swinging down with the motion to frame her face and tickle his neck. She spoke in a quiet voice, full of pleasure and hinting of promise. "Good morning."

She pressed her lips to his in a lazy kiss. When he would have deepened it, she grinned mischievously and pulled away. She didn't go far, though; propping herself above him, she brought her questing fingers to his face, tracing over his cheeks and along the line of his jaw. Her grin slipped, transforming back into the rather smug smile she'd been wearing when he opened his eyes, her own eyes leaving his and following the path her fingers took.

He would have enjoyed watching her, under any other circumstances; her expression was open, unguarded, even more than her usual direct demeanor. Now though, he shifted in embarrassment, uncomfortable with having her so completely focused on him. He opened his mouth, trying desperately to think of something to say that would end her attentions without hurting her feelings.

Before he came up with anything, she left off her gentle caresses to his chest and shoulders, apparently satisfied that she'd been thorough enough there. Evfra had just a second to hope this meant she would extract them gracefully from the rather charged situation, before that hope was dashed.

Her fingers lifted to his face, running lightly along his jaw, and the sharp contours of his chin. He remembered her lips following the same path last night, and closed his eyes against a wave of desire. Perhaps he should see if she would like a second round, after all? But her fingers were still moving.

Two fingers swept lightly over his lips, she avoided his belated attempt to catch them with a quiet, breathy laugh. She ran her fingers over his nose, around his eye and up. Her touch firmed here, smoothing over the firmer skin of his head, mapping the ridges and valleys of his head as if she could memorize the feel of him. He almost smiled at her precision.

It was when her fingers brushed lightly across the scar that ran down his head and across his face that the game stopped being amusing. He reached up and grabbed her wrist, before she could follow that horrible disfiguring scar back down his face. Her eyes widened and met his angry gaze.

He gripped her wrist tightly, ready to fling her arm away from him, and her too if she pushed him too far. Ryder was motionless above him, her expression open and her eyes meeting his fearlessly. He didn't release her, but she managed to twist her fingers just enough to brush them gently along the scar. He studied her face, and saw nothing in it that he could object to: no pity, no disgust, even. Just the same emotion that he would not put a name to - could not put a name to, not if his heart was going to remain whole. He closed his own eyes in defeat, and released her hand. Her attention might break him, she might be the one wound he couldn't recover from, but he was lost already.

To his surprise, she didn't touch him again. Instead, she placed her hand on the bed near his shoulder and leaned farther forward. His breath caught, then stuttered to a start again, when he felt her lips against his forehead. She moved slowly, easing him along, but he knew what was coming, and braced himself.

He wasn't wrong. Her lips found his scar, and traced along it in gentle kisses. When she reached his chin, she double back to plant a firmer kiss on his lips; he was too tense to returned the kiss, his jaw clenched against her determined torture.

She didn't seem to mind, simply moved along, her hair brushing against his in her wake. She didn't stop, either, her lips retracing the path her fingers had taken earlier. Evfra squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing coming in ragged gasps.

She was thorough, and observant. She kissed the permanent scowl line between his eyes; she kissed the pulled-down corners of his mouth. She brushed her nose against his, a barely there chuckle ghosting across his skin. (She hated her nose, she'd told him, for the turned-up tip of it.)

Finished with his face, her lips slid down his throat, bringing a different sort of gasp and making him lift his hands to her hips.

She was just as thorough here, tracing the path her fingers had explored previously. She found each scar, each reminder of past pain, and kissed along it. She found every fault he had ever catalogued about himself, each physical imperfection that he was used to berating himself with; she ran her tongue and lips over all of them, her hair trailing after in a gentle whisper of sensation.

When she stopped, unable to reach more of him without moving and clearly unwilling to move, he felt her shift and run a hand down his arm, soothingly. He was shaking, microscopic tremors coursing through him as his protective walls crumbled around him, and his self image shattered into a million pieces - because how could he hate those things about himself that she so clearly loved?

Love. That was the word he had been avoiding, the emotion he'd seen in her eyes as she looked at him.

He wasn't ready for it. Before he could start distancing himself, he felt Ryder shift again, and opened his eyes. She was stretching, gloriously displayed above him, enticingly within reach. She slanted a glance down at him, a wicked grin that made his hands flex on her hips. He was running his hands up her sides, her breasts a tantalizing target; but she caught one of his hands and moved it instead to her core.

She was hot, and wet, and the discovery startled a curse out of him. That she would be so aroused by him, when he had done nothing but simply be… the impending emotional tangle was too much. He pushed it aside in favor of a purely physical response.

He flipped her easily, pinning her beneath him before claiming her. She seemed entirely pleased to be claimed, her soft moans urging him on and getting louder as he moved vigorously within her. Before she got loud enough to attract attention through the open window, he leaned down and kissed her deeply, swallowing her cries and muffling his own.

When he moved off of her, she followed, settling her head on his shoulder, and one arm across his waist. Well, perhaps not a one time thing, after all, he thought with a barely-there chuckle. Reflexively, he wished for privacy to order his thoughts after this most startling of nights, but he was well aware that if he got too tangled in his emotions, he would only put distance between them - and he thought she didn't want any distance, despite all the reasons why she should.

He thought of her expression as she leaned over him, of the honesty in her look and behavior. Surely he could be equally honest, even if only with her. He took a deep breath, and shifted until he could catch her eyes.

"I love you."

Her smile was instant, delight all over her face. She put her hands on either side of his face and leaned forward until her forehead pressed against his. Tipping her head enough to brush their noses together, she kept her eyes on his.

"I love you, too."


End file.
